Identifying what factors "turn you on" and "turn you off" can be very helpful if you’d like to stimulate or diminish the frequency or intensity of your sexual desire and arousal. So make some time for a reflection. Find somewhere cosy where you won’t be disturbed, put on some music, make yourself comfortable and grab a fresh sheet of paper.
We find that many people typically just consider the obvious elements in their environment. This guide will help you go deeper into all the external factors which influence your arousal. Once you know what hits your accelerator and your brakes, you can create the context you need for sexual exploration. And this guide can also be a fun way to talk with a partner about what gets both of you going (and what doesn’t)!
The two key questions: What factors in your environment generally spark or speed up your desire and arousal? And which stop or slow-down your desire and arousal? For a thorough analysis, use the lists below for inspiration. They include examples of what can increase or decrease someone’s desire and arousal per category of external context factors. For each category take your time to consider a wide range of factors and use your imagination to go beyond the obvious... You might identify some key elements that you were never aware of. Partner’s Body/Style/Character
- Body: kind face, hairy, fit, curvy, straight jawline, petite, tall, muscly, curly hair, elegant feet, large hands, beard, sweaty, etc. - Style: sexy lingerie, 3-piece suit, tight dress, tennis outfit, bikini, surf trunks, military uniform, revealing top, bohemian dress, jogging pants, high heels, straw hat, leather, etc. - Character/Mood: outgoing, quiet, funny, mysterious, confident, reflective, modest, gentle, bold, etc. Your Body/Style - Body: hot from doing exercise, freshly showered, hairy legs, without-make-up, etc. - Style: sexy lingerie, 3-piece suit, tight dress, tennis outfit, bikini, surf trunks, military uniform, revealing top, bohemian dress, curled hair, jogging pants, high heels, straw hat, leather, etc. Partner’s Behaviour - Explicit/Erotic: spanking me, caressing my whole body, grabbing me tight, taking me from behind, etc. - Non Explicit/Erotic: an original gift, cooking a meal, planning a surprise date, playing with children/dog, etc. Verbal Cues - Conversation Topics: emotions, sexual preferences, politics, poetry, violence, literature, etc. - Comments/Language: compliments about character/appearance, teasing words,‘dirty’ talk, etc.
- Explicit/Erotic: watching or reading an erotic movie or story, hearing other people having sex, self-pleasuring, etc.
- Non Explicit/Erotic: exercising, play fighting, dressing-up, swimming, breath-work, a sauna visit, etc.
- Atmosphere: minimalist, modern, rustic, outdoors, rugged, mysterious, not entirely private, cosy, etc.
- Furnishings: a fireplace, a fluffy carpet, satin sheets, curtains, large windows, old bath tub, soundproof walls, etc.
- Items: condom, wild flowers, oil/lube, wax candle, blind fold, vibrator, whip, incense, handcuffs, butt plug, etc.
- Sounds: spa music, electronic beats, ocean waves, birds, sounds of other people having sex, etc.
- Smells & Tastes: pine, cedar, perfume, dirty socks, honey, exotic fruits, partner’s sweat, etc. Interested in more? Our 6-month program is an in-depth journey to explore your sexuality and deepen your connection to your mind, body, and others. Click here for more info or to sign up.
If you want to learn more about pleasure and female anatomy, get our free taster package which includes a 20-minute illustrated video tour of the entire female genital universe, another practice and videos of the sexploration stories of three women.